Cyber vs IRL

Tell me about the Insta-story? It's basically snapchat on Instagram, right? It's not like Facebook live where you can catch up and watch later if you take a few weeks off from social media, right? If you miss the story within 24 hrs it's gone, right? You missed out on part of whoever you're following's life because you took a break from whatever reason (I usually take breaks because I need to clean my house and hug my kids.)


So... How do we have real life interactions with people when we have to keep checking their live feeds and stories to "know what's up with them?" How do we learn to be kind, tactful and truthful when we're constantly seeking the connections we crave on a tiny screen? How can we learn to trust our selves when we are constantly distracted by the pizazz of another's way to do life?


Blech!


I'm all for having a cyber tribe. They're super helpful and lovely in times of isolation and distance, but I don't believe humans were meant to be isolated or to develop relationships with the world through a computer in their hand. I want an IRL (in real life) tribe who will get dirty in the woods, who will come over and bake or paint, whom my children will grow up knowing as safe people, role models and other trusted adults when mom's not available. I want backyard cookouts and singalongs. Those can't happen when we're all staring at our phones trying not to miss each other's lives. By doing that we are actually missing out on each other's lives! It's easy to type "I'll pray for you" but it takes work to bake a meal or clean the house of someone in need. It takes work to truly connect with other humans. And I get it, connecting can be messy. We have to apologize from time to time instead of pretending we didn't see the message that said we hurt someone's feelings. We have to roll up our sleeves and put our deeds behind our words for more than the 10 seconds it takes to snap a pic and post it. we get held accountable when we have IRL community, but its a beautiful thing to know those people also have your back should trouble find its way to your door.


I commit to working in my relationships IRL. Cultivating a tribe is just as much work, and therefore just as rewarding, as cultivating an herb garden. Each plant has a personality and a skill, each person in my life does too. How do we work together? Some of us grow well side by side daily, others are delicious when stirred together in healing teas or soups. Others need room to grow tall and spread out in order to gain the deep wisdom of a life lived in the clouds. I am thankful for our time together in stillness, embracing the cooling quiet moments in the shade, of the wisdom found in being still, together, and listening to loved ones in real life.


My Cyber tribe is all over the world, full of exotic spices and flair and I wouldn't trade them for anything! My IRL tribe suffers every time we move. They get pushed into Cyber tribe and i fear my Cyber tribe doesn't get to see the real me, the me that can only be seen by looking each other in the eyes, through all the many ways humans interact when in the same room: energetically, emotionally, telepathically, hormonally. I love the idea that when women are gathered together there is a natural release of oxytocin in the space. (I say "idea" because I haven't fully researched the claim and don't like to make scientific statements I can't backup. But still the idea is beautiful!) It so much harder to pretend that "thing" isn't bothering me when a trusted someone is looking me in the face. Its so much easier to hide behind a screen and pretend I got my shit together. You know what? I don't have my shit together. I don't think I ever have. I am constantly rearranging ideas and plans and modifying even up to GO time. It works to stay flexible sometimes, but to say I have my shit together would be a lie. And a trusted friend looking me in the face would be able to catch me in that lie much easier than in a text message or a well framed and edited Instagram post.


So I'm not gonna fake my life with you guys. I may not have my shit 100% together, I have piles of baggage to sort through and discard, I believe I will never stop growing, but I will keep coming back to myself (and hopefully this space) along the way and keep what is still working and throw out the rest. Unclutter your life, that's a hashtag movement, right? But my favorite is #unfaketheworld and that starts with un-faking me.


So cyber and IRL tribe, let's be real with each other. Social media, while helpful, can be distracting. Let's get there and see each other (especially this time of year when the darkness makes us feel even more alone than usual) and hold each up, practice active listening and truth-telling. Be together and feel your energy shift. There's magic when people get together in love (side note, love doesn't mean mushy, gooey, see-it-in-the-movies BS, it means mutual respect and adoration that genuinely cares for the other's well-being). Now text someone and make plans to walk in the park or get coffee or whatever you love to do that won't break your budget, just put down the phone and look them in the face!


Do it!

Wonder in the Daily Rituals of Life

For a while now I have been going through the motions, living the habits I had built around heart-felt, science-backed beliefs, practices and approaches that were creatively added to my life with a purpose, but not truly putting my heart into it any more. I was surviving my life in the best way I knew how and getting through each day. Doing my best to keep as much magic alive in the childhoods of my children but struggling to keep my own source of power filled and empowered. It has been an exhausting few years. When I first left this space, I was in a place where i didn't believe I had anything "worth" putting on the internet. Have you seen what's on the internet? Basically everything you can imagine: Good, Bad, Ugly, Beautiful and everything in between. I don't have to, nor do i want to, compete with everything thats out there. My truth is still valid, even if I think its not flashy enough. Enough for what? to be worthy? of clicks? that's not what I am after. I didn't create this space to make money. I don't find any joy in selling anything. I find joy in doing. Doing work, doing art, doing movement, the creative part of making something not the final goal. So, here I am saying it out loud on the internet: I like the act of writing. Of rewriting and editing. Of conversation. Of clarifying thoughts. This space was intended to be a more open-minded, open-hearted space than Facebook allows for to share the stories of my life while I lived far away from my family and dear friends. I have returned to my family (the ones I craved the most have crossed over since my moving back) and the dear friends I was away from, however, I have met many more wonderful souls who have scattered to the far corners of the globe and I will always miss their daily interactions and the conversations we had that rewired our brains, realinged our energy, rewrote our soul's truth into daily awareness. I have lifted my head up from the dredges of toddlerhood and noticed the souls I am living with need more from me. They need me to keep having these creative conversations with other likeminded souls so I am full of magical appreciation for this life and can help them remember why they are here. I don't know why they are here or what they came to do, I only know that I have been entrusted to guide them through this messy life and I have been a poor guide lately as I have been in a reactive state and not a responsive state. I am transitioning. I am remembering how to be gentle with myself and how to find the wonder in the daily rituals of life.

Why Hello!

Here I am, 2 and 1/2 years later! Lots of things have happened, in the world and in my personal life. The biggest I'd say is that we no longer live on a Texas Homestead (which was really just a city plot 2 blocks south of the highway that separated the town from the wilderness and farm plots). We returned to Oregon a year ago. That's right, we have been enjoying our first home as homeowners for a year now.  We bought a 100 year old house in a small town, walking distance to just about everything in the town. The house needed some immediate attention, and still needs lots of work, and so did my extended family. In the meantime, we homeschool the girls and love on the dog and the cat. We had added new chicks to our flock (half of which were enjoyed by Hawk) but then rehoused the girls with a friend before leaving Texas as moving the birds 2000 miles didn't seem worth the trouble. We have just started talking about adding some new feathered friends into the mix this next spring. Lots of construction plans in the near future.... Maybe I'll share some before and afters in the future. I have found dance again. The Mister is enjoying his new job (still flying planes) and the girls are as busy as ever dancing, riding horses, climbing on things, swimming, catching crawdads, etc.

To be honest, I paused working with this site because of the time commitment and my priorities had shifted to other things. In the back of my mind there was also a growing fear for my children's internet anonymity and safety. I am still hesitant to tell our stories in such an unguarded way as a blog, and so have focused on a heavily screened Instagram and Facebook account. But the storytelling! I miss the storytelling. I have never wanted to be a political writer or to write about things where I have to deal with internet trolls. So I paused. I wrote my stories in journals and to specific people on messenger and group texts. I have started escaping into the woods to dance and write poetry and reframe goddess myths in my own words. I have always enjoyed growing in private and, when i feel confident, inviting people to notice what I am doing now.

So, since I have come back here, I must have finished a breathing-in growth cycle (borrowing the idea from Waldorf educational theories) and am ready to breath out and interact with people in this way again. Or at least the interface of the blog-sphere. I have noticed I take less photos because I am sharing my life with the ones I missed so dearly while we were in Texas. Instead of needing to take photos to remember the stories so I can share them with lifelong Friends, Aunties and Grandparents, they are the ones involved in the memories. I am working to shift my habit and capture memories for the girls for later, when we want to look back and remember that silly afternoon at the museum/park/coffee shop with so-and-so and how different we all looked "back then."

I have some other deep thoughts and feeling just below the surface I want to share with all 12 of you who may find your way back to this blog. But I'm not quite ready to make those permanent additions to the inter webs just yet. Which always leads me to ask: Do my thoughts and feelings really need to be blasted all over the inter webs? Can sharing them face to face with a safe person or in my journal be enough? This space helped me through that rough part of transitioning to parenting two kids without much real life help, and now...what to make of this space? I have this place, how shall I use it??

Change comes on the wings of small birds

There are many things I could share with you that I have been keeping to myself as of late. But last night, as I tried to sleep in a new tent with the full moon literally staring me in the face, I forgot about them all.  

At least for a few moments.

 This spring i have intensely felt the stress of the birds in my surroundings. Starting with the nesting wrens on my porch who mysteriously abandoned their full nest while we were out of town, to the mocking bird who tried in vain to save her egg from my cat, to the sandpiper who's nest was unfortunately located between the carpark and the swimming hole. I have fully felt the stress and worry of those momma birds and have brought it into my daily life as unhelpful, zingy energy which keeps my focus completely scattered and probably adds to the chaos of this season. 

But that stress-free blissful moment under the full moon is what life IS at its best. I cannot change nature. I cannot protect everyone. And try as I might to protect everyone from injustice, Mother Nature has been at this Spring thing with the birds a lot longer than I have. I'm fairly certain she's got it handled, though that won't stop me from spraying my cat with the hose when he's getting too close to a nestfull of eggs. Perhaps my newly refound peace of mind can flutter over to the parts of the country riddled with a similar stress, worry and need for protection.

Here's to a less stressful, but just as meaningful, loving summer. 

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Namaste.

Until next time.

Blessed be.

a collection of things

You know it's bad when your 5-year old sighs and says: mom you've gotta get that song out of your head!

Aoife has pink-eye due to taking a handful of sand in the face. Less than a week before we begin April, the month of road-schooling.

In the grocery last week, Aoife spilled a container of berries, and had smoothie all over her face. I joked about her being a mess and needing a bath. A grocer overhead me and commented: "at least they are girls. With boys the mess never ends."

"I don't know." I replied. "Last week when the snow was melting and everything outside was nasty, these two got 3 baths in one day and generated 2 loads of laundry. So, I don't know of its a boy thing or just a kid thing." He went back to his lettuce with a pensive look.

I spent all last growing season with the song "like a snake in the grass" whispering in my ear each time I stepped through the garden fence. Today, I met the snake. A passive, pillbug-eating brown garden snake. And I am thankful for the help controlling the pests.

We have just enough training pants that if I skip doing laundry mid-week, Aoife has to wear regular panties or a diaper. After two weeks in trainers she is anti-diapers. However she detests wedgies. Her big girl panties are a tiny bit big and do not stay in place. She runs around screening "poopy poppy!" Whenever they have traveled to uncomfortable locations.

Three years ago i watched as a bee pollinated my store-bought tomato plant. it then clumsily flew to the fence and slowly died. i vowed to start growing all my garden plants from seeds. Two years ago, I found a jar of canned cherries in the back of my cupboard. We opened it and enjoyed a few by the pool. The jar got left on the banister overnight and by morning was overrun with bees. The bees drank all the syrup and reduced the quart of cherries to a mere handful. Last summer i saw lots of bees hovering about my marigolds and radish flowers all season long. This spring, my neighbor discovered bees swarming out of the trunk of her pecan tree. I am hopeful that both colonies will survive another year. 

Please don't spray your flowers. The bees, butterflies and some types of wasps (who trap and eat spiders, including the brown recluse) need them to be non-toxic.

Just checking in

Good morrow everyone! 

Spring break is upon us and you are overdo for a dalton family update!

Since our last meeting, we have been iced in, rained out, snowed on, iced again and now flooded as everything tried to thaw and dry out. And naturally, thunderstorms are on the horizon as we begin tornado season. Don't be surprised if you hear about dallas and Mosquitos in the news a lot this spring. It's gonna be a bad one.

That said, we planted our early spring crops just before the first freeze and everything survived! At least until the chickens jumped the fence, ate the kale and thinned out the lettuce. Everything else is going strong and I plan on getting the rest in the ground as soon as possible. Which is difficult for me as I have commitment issues with silly things like plants and stickers and scrap fabric. I mention this because we have started the process of buying a house. I loathe doing all the work of putting in an amazing, organic, square foot garden thoughtfully companion planted and rotated from last years planting just to leave it all for someone else who may not appreciate, or eat, any of the produce.

*Le sigh*

But with scrap fabric! I am bound and determined to turn this pile into a skirt, 3 dresses and a car seat cover! Hopefully I can get it all done before we find our new home.

Also, taking apart that bunk bed again is not on the top of My Fun Things To Do list. But at least the kids sleep in their room for a while now. 

Tis the season

Well, it's time. 

Garden planning and early planting is here. Perhaps this time of focused new growth will bring back a bit of author interest in this blog space. I've been off doing other things and just haven't been making time for you, Little Blog. I do apologize. As I get my fingers muddy and spend more time outside, dreams seem to materialize and so I hope to share them with you all again. Just as soon as they germinate and take root I will let you know! In the meantime, enjoy the beginnings of actualizing your own dreams. 

What do you want to grow this spring?

Today

Today started with finding a small flood in the back hallway. There were/are no explanations for this flood or signs of its origin. Therefore clean-up ended with mimosas, because floods equal a great excuse for using the New Years champagne we never opened.

This flood, plus Pete's need to watch football today, naturally escalated into Aoife pouring coffee down my back, Pete creating smoke in the oven for the second day in a row, and a bowl of popcorn getting tipped and flown all over the kitchen. Before noon.

I'm writing this to remind myself to breathe. Most days have been like this lately. I wake up running and I don't really get a breath until Aoife goes down for a nap and then it's time to power clean or prep dinner. While standing near my kitchen windows in a pile of Aoife's lunch offerings rejected by the dog, I stopped long enough to notice and count the 18 eastern bluebirds in my front yard busily turning over leaves looking for treats brought out by last night's rain. That short 2 minutes brought a little calm to my shoulders. It helped keep me from screaming like my children have for the last month straight. 

Living in chaos is not my favorite way to be. lately my family seems determined to turn our house into a disaster zone, added bonus if someone goes down screaming. Triple points if the focus of the war breaks, mom'll fix it. My life is chaos since all my time is focused on repairing everything around me with barely any time to breathe before the next meltdown or mealtime.

 It may feel as though all i do is clean, repair toys and tend to injuries, but I know that's not true. Life and parenthood can seem overwhelming (and I know this seems like a lot of whining) but it is not the truth. The truth is I live with caring people who love life. They have big emotions and imaginations to match. Cleaning up after a fairy balloon ride over the mountains and through the woods of my living room is not on their radar. I do get help with fun chores like mopping and making vinegar volcanos in the bathroom sink and replacing puzzle piece 'cookies' on their baking sheets. I do get a few minutes to read real books when i ignore the state of my floors. And lately reading books with pages full of text is more appealing than the Internet, than dishes, than playing princesses, editing photos or journaling. Reading and gathering in, sitting quietly and absorbing knowledge is appropriate for these cold winter months. 

Now if only my children would learn to read and we could spend hours each afternoon doing just that. It'll happen soon, or so they tell me. For now, I have to keep them from strangling each other as they fight over plastic beaded necklaces and clean up all the spilled food. It's a small moment in their lives, a small moment in mine, and how easy it is to get stuck in these small moments. 

Today, I choose to get stuck in a small moment watching little birds splash in puddles and turn over leaves. What do you choose?

.this moment.

Right now I am

• thankful for the brightly wrapped surprises hidden in my closet. If they were under the tree, Aoife would've opened them all by now.

• sipping hot coffee

• curious how best to help my coughing, hacking cat

• enjoying a winter-like day in Texas with overcast skies, drizzle, and a high in the low 50s.

• debating which of my favorite treats to bring along to our Yule celebration tonight.

• listening to the chirping of cardinals and sparrows as they enjoy the safety of our yard

• grateful Hawk has not gotten any of them or my chickens yet this season though she is also in my yard every cloudy morning

• hoping everyone's mailed treasures arrive to the destinations when expected

• wondering how my cat manages to open the closet 

• about to finish the annual card mailing

• loving the stillness before the children stir

• snuggling my furry friends

• wishing you all a joyous and safe season of celebrating. May blessing find you throughout the year to come!

Sundays

At our house, Sundays are our family day. I would say "day off" but what does that mean to parents? We don't turn off our alarms or the chickens would remain locked in without access to food or water, so someone has to get up and take care of the animals. We don't seem to ever turn all screens off for a whole day. Pete never truly has a day off from work; people are always calling, reporting how tests went, complaining about a broken plane, adjusting schedules. The children stay by our sides throughout the day.

Sundays are the day when we get 2-person fixit jobs completed. For example, I clean the hen house, he keeps the toddler from eating the poop. He mends the pergola while the older one hands him screws and I keep the little one inside. He replaces insulation in an outside accessed closet that a squrril fell through. (That's a fun story!)

Some Sundays we go to the pool because the indoor slide is open. Some Sundays we bake or visit the library or a park and we all go together. Sometimes I wish Sundays happened on Wednesday and we could visit a zoo or an art museum as a family.

Sundays are usually free of time constraints and outside demands. We pick what we do or don't do. We eat an awesome brunch because we tend to go back to sleep after feeding the hens. Apart from the occasional work call, we have time to slow down, to look each other in the face, to be completely engrossed in play, to read not just at bedtime, to be together. 

Sundays are my favorite. I actually feel more On on a Sunday. If my Sunday is stressful or my Monday morning solo time is messed with, I feel Off the rest of the week. I have become a fan of slow living. And you know what? I'm okay with that.

There's always more paper

So i used to write a blog, fairly regularly even. This blog to be precise. I know I warned you it might be quiet for a bit while I tended to other creative areas in my life, but I didn't mean to go dark! Sorry!! 

I did put a pause on practicing my photography skills and since the painting class has an online discussion forum, I've been focusing my energies there and completely blowing off this space. The baby has hit that toddler phase when all photos are blurry anyway and the big girl has been in school so when she's home she's been painting with me and we haven't had much to share here. 

I did want to share about a recent project we completed. Our library sponsors a preschool art workshop once a month that currently doesn't allow paint brushes. Basically, the librarian reads a book about brushing your teeth and we paint with toothbrushes. That sort of idea. This time we heard a story about a girl who doesn't want to comb her hair and then we used combs to paint with. As we sat waiting for our turn with the bowl of purple paint, I decided to follow my intuition and just grab the bottle and squirt a glob on each of our papers and see what happened. I noticed some of the other participants were having a hard time releasing the need to make recognizable shapes with the edges of the comb in a similar fashion to using a artist's brush. I grabbed the nearest comb and said loud enough for the frustrated patents to hear "let's see what happens when we use this side of the comb. There's plenty of paper." My daughters and I started combing the paint up and down and back and forth across the page watching deep lines appear. On a hunch I grab a few other colors and squirted more globs on the page and combed the colors together in a square fashion. As I did this I double checked that my oldest had enough paper and was okay staying firmly in her Purple Phase and that my youngest hadn't eaten any of the tempura. As I glanced between the two I noticed the little boy sitting near us abandon his need to make purple stars and blue rectangles. He grabbed a new piece of paper and used a spoon to slap down a glob of red paint and began to experiment. The stress that had been building in his mom's shoulder melted as she noticed him engaging thoroughly into the activity. We kept adding more colors and started swirling the colors in a big circle. I stopped just before everything completely mixed to brown and began washing all the chairs that bore the mark of a visit from my youngest.

 

 Something about that experience didn't agree with my typical recycling of my paper afterwards- discarding coffee filter hats and recycling ice paintings usually leave me guilt-free but this one wouldn't let go. So I brought it home with me to find that the assignment for my painting class was to paint from my center, or from my natural state. 

I believe my natural state is one of curiosity as I find peace, joy and fulfillment in searching for answers to questions, even unspoken questions. I also enjoy watching children explore, guided by their curiosity, uninhibited by what they "should" be discovering. That said, I used the piece we started at the library for this project. I sat down at the kitchen table and just began to fill in the empty spots with whatever color called to me. My oldest came up to me and started suggesting which shapes to include, saying it needs more pink. I followed her lead and when she asked if she could help me paint I knew we were on the right track. 

I have a hard time letting her help me with my creative projects. I wasn't encouraged to explore painting or other drawing activities as a kid and so I am conscious of accidentally discouraging her creative interests. I want her to feel free to express herself however she needs to but at the same time I want to own my own creative needs and paint according to my own intuition and spirit. So when she asks' "mama, can I help you?" I have to answer carefully. "What shapes should I paint?" "Would you like to try this on your own paper?" But in this case, i let her help make some embellishments and this was our result

And so with that, I want to encourage you to try something new guided by that little voice that says "do it!" Some times it's hard to hear this voice under all the negativity and demands on your time, but it's there. Trust it. Amazing things are inside your spirit waiting to get out. And there is always more paper.

Around here lately

Again, the craziness of life had me believing this posted 2 weeks ago... Oops! Here we go again!

A beautiful mess

"What a beautiful mess. What a beautiful mess I'm in." ~ Diamond Rio

Lately I'm finding myself feeling comfortable in the fullness of motherhood. I do miss the free Maiden of my youth from time to time but I'm willing to bet this is normal, healthy even. Every so often tapping into that youthfulness helps me remember to laugh, puts household stress in the appropriate place and renews my creativity and playfulness so I can better connect with my children, my partner, my Self. 

But ah motherhood. The nurturing of others, the constant raw emotions that hurt for children the world over, the moving into wisdom that only comes through experience. I do have to remind myself to let my inner Crone, that contentment with staying home and doing things my way all that time and getting stuck in routines, I have to let her stay asleep just a bit longer. My children are small. Yes, they benefit from routines and wisdom and the security of knowing momma has done this before, but I benefit from not getting stuck.

I am curious how, now that I have two, I feel more comfortable with this role. With the coming of motherhood and my first child I was not comfortable being at home all the time, allowing boredom to sneak in and force inner quiet and personal creativity. Now that my second child has enter toddlerhood and doesn't need me as much as she did in infancy (and boy do they NEED you then!) I feel a little more space in my days. A little more spontaneity returning. A healthier blend of maiden and mother energy. It's freeing, like the feeling of coming of age with new horizons to explore. 

So, with this new accepted growth comes a new adventure. I'm taking an online painting course that is challenging not only my creativity but also my psyche. We are exploring metaphysical themes, having philosophical discussions and painting through our questions to our answers.

It has already been a beautiful experience highlighting just how unbalanced my home life truly  is! Food is being prepared, laundry and chores are being maintained, sick children are being tended to, but yet the house is a constant disaster. I'm taking a few minutes to read assignments in the morning, Emagene and I paint and create through Aoife's nap, and then I join in the online discussions while Pete bathes the girls. All times when I used to run around putting up toys and folding other people's laundry and other general tidying. You can imagine the state of my house! Why does including daily self care mean the highlighting of everyone else's need for MY care? Ah motherhood. 

I wish you could see the state of my soul! 

It is healing. Reconnecting my maiden and mother, searching for a way to include the crone so the rest of my family doesn't implode from the stress of living in chaos.  It is a beautiful mess. I may be absent a bit from here and from Facebook during this month-long class but I will return, hopefully full of bliss and ready for a more balanced, creative approach to life, especially now that the weather has changed to perfect and the children have learned how to play together.  

May your soul find wings and laughter in every day!

It's been busy!

Oh August! It would appear that the month of Leo will consistently bless us with the fullness of life. We've filled the last remaining "free" days of warm (read hot) weather with birthday parties, pool parties and birthday-pool parties. We've stayed up late around the firepit just because we know our mornings of sleeping late are numbered. We met Emagene's new teacher, shopped for school supplies and planned a fall vacation. We went to a few museums, started a new dance class, added soccer into our weekly lives again and made plans to head back to the pool once we get this school schedule thing under our belts. We got the kids passports and have planted the seed of a long boat trip and swimming with dolphins into their imaginations. But as our sleep patterns struggle to adjust and little bodies keep growing, I have had to put you, dear reader, on the back burner. I am sorry! I do so enjoy sharing tiny treasures of my life with you. I am full with my own learning agenda and the promise of weekly solo time! Mommy alone time is a family need that gets lost in the fullness of summer. It's the little things that refill me and keep my head from exploding as I go through life here in this strange land of Texas (who just voted to change the school history books to align with Republican Party agenda. *sigh*). On a brighter note: the Harvest Moon has visited. My favorite time of year! I will now go eat a moon cake and thank the autumn rains for their blessings, among other moments of thankfulness.

The harvest season is upon us. What are you thankful for?