I've been internally drafting this post for a while. Still not sure I have it quite right.
I woke up crying the other night due to the sadness and stress that surround us right now. Multiple friends and family are suffering with the tragic loss of children. My heart breaks for them. I hesitate to share my news because I want to honor this moment in their lives. Honor their grief. Allow them the energy and emotional support of those closest to us and not "steal their thunder" with our new business.
However it is the awareness of their horrible changes that cause me stress. Am I to follow in those footsteps? Any mother will tell you that hearing birth stories that only fit under the title "horror" keep them awake at night. I try to put the fear to sleep but as we are currently uninsured, the fear only grows in the wee hours of the morning. But I cannot keep this secret any longer. I need the positive support of my circle as we add another member to our family.
Baby Dalton #2 will make an appearance mid-August, hopefully without any complications, interventions or fear.
So far things are normal. I have no logical reason to fear.
The majority of these pregnancy struggles I mentioned were unknown until later in the pregnancy. Without insurance, we may not be able to afford the ultrasound to settle my nerves. An older coworker of mine was telling me this week that when his babies were born it was $200 a birth (extra $50 to circumcise the boys.) His insurance covered all of it but the phone and tv which totaled ten dollars. Ten Dollars! Can you imagine having an overnight stay at the hospital and only paying $10?!?! How this country has changed in 60 years!
We have not exhausted every option. Peter has just received a raise and hopefully insurance. Thankfully the affordable health care act makes it illegal for insurance companies to refuse coverage for preexisting conditions. We still have ways to calm the financial stress of perinatal care. Thank you, Obama. (We make too much for Medicaid but not enough to afford private insurance, requiring one of our employers to provide an avenue for this in our lives. *Keeping fingers crossed*)
I see a midwife this week and know I will find some level of peace during that appointment. Midwives are good at bringing peace.
My current job is proving supportive, unlike last time, so at least the fear of discrimination and loss of funds is lifted.
afterthoughts: I wrote this about 2 weeks ago and have since visited the birth center and told our parents of the coming bundle. Stress level immediately went down after committing my thoughts to print. Everything seems normal so far and I look forward to updating you all with our progress and hopefully the joy of acquiring insurance! Oh the Joys of First World Problems!