a collection of things

You know it's bad when your 5-year old sighs and says: mom you've gotta get that song out of your head!

Aoife has pink-eye due to taking a handful of sand in the face. Less than a week before we begin April, the month of road-schooling.

In the grocery last week, Aoife spilled a container of berries, and had smoothie all over her face. I joked about her being a mess and needing a bath. A grocer overhead me and commented: "at least they are girls. With boys the mess never ends."

"I don't know." I replied. "Last week when the snow was melting and everything outside was nasty, these two got 3 baths in one day and generated 2 loads of laundry. So, I don't know of its a boy thing or just a kid thing." He went back to his lettuce with a pensive look.

I spent all last growing season with the song "like a snake in the grass" whispering in my ear each time I stepped through the garden fence. Today, I met the snake. A passive, pillbug-eating brown garden snake. And I am thankful for the help controlling the pests.

We have just enough training pants that if I skip doing laundry mid-week, Aoife has to wear regular panties or a diaper. After two weeks in trainers she is anti-diapers. However she detests wedgies. Her big girl panties are a tiny bit big and do not stay in place. She runs around screening "poopy poppy!" Whenever they have traveled to uncomfortable locations.

Three years ago i watched as a bee pollinated my store-bought tomato plant. it then clumsily flew to the fence and slowly died. i vowed to start growing all my garden plants from seeds. Two years ago, I found a jar of canned cherries in the back of my cupboard. We opened it and enjoyed a few by the pool. The jar got left on the banister overnight and by morning was overrun with bees. The bees drank all the syrup and reduced the quart of cherries to a mere handful. Last summer i saw lots of bees hovering about my marigolds and radish flowers all season long. This spring, my neighbor discovered bees swarming out of the trunk of her pecan tree. I am hopeful that both colonies will survive another year. 

Please don't spray your flowers. The bees, butterflies and some types of wasps (who trap and eat spiders, including the brown recluse) need them to be non-toxic.

Today

Today started with finding a small flood in the back hallway. There were/are no explanations for this flood or signs of its origin. Therefore clean-up ended with mimosas, because floods equal a great excuse for using the New Years champagne we never opened.

This flood, plus Pete's need to watch football today, naturally escalated into Aoife pouring coffee down my back, Pete creating smoke in the oven for the second day in a row, and a bowl of popcorn getting tipped and flown all over the kitchen. Before noon.

I'm writing this to remind myself to breathe. Most days have been like this lately. I wake up running and I don't really get a breath until Aoife goes down for a nap and then it's time to power clean or prep dinner. While standing near my kitchen windows in a pile of Aoife's lunch offerings rejected by the dog, I stopped long enough to notice and count the 18 eastern bluebirds in my front yard busily turning over leaves looking for treats brought out by last night's rain. That short 2 minutes brought a little calm to my shoulders. It helped keep me from screaming like my children have for the last month straight. 

Living in chaos is not my favorite way to be. lately my family seems determined to turn our house into a disaster zone, added bonus if someone goes down screaming. Triple points if the focus of the war breaks, mom'll fix it. My life is chaos since all my time is focused on repairing everything around me with barely any time to breathe before the next meltdown or mealtime.

 It may feel as though all i do is clean, repair toys and tend to injuries, but I know that's not true. Life and parenthood can seem overwhelming (and I know this seems like a lot of whining) but it is not the truth. The truth is I live with caring people who love life. They have big emotions and imaginations to match. Cleaning up after a fairy balloon ride over the mountains and through the woods of my living room is not on their radar. I do get help with fun chores like mopping and making vinegar volcanos in the bathroom sink and replacing puzzle piece 'cookies' on their baking sheets. I do get a few minutes to read real books when i ignore the state of my floors. And lately reading books with pages full of text is more appealing than the Internet, than dishes, than playing princesses, editing photos or journaling. Reading and gathering in, sitting quietly and absorbing knowledge is appropriate for these cold winter months. 

Now if only my children would learn to read and we could spend hours each afternoon doing just that. It'll happen soon, or so they tell me. For now, I have to keep them from strangling each other as they fight over plastic beaded necklaces and clean up all the spilled food. It's a small moment in their lives, a small moment in mine, and how easy it is to get stuck in these small moments. 

Today, I choose to get stuck in a small moment watching little birds splash in puddles and turn over leaves. What do you choose?

Shopping with littles

Some time ago I decided that grocery shopping should not be stressful. I recently stumbled across a quote that solidified this: "cooking is an act of love." And since one can not cook without ingredients, shopping for food is, by association, an act of love.

 This idea probably surfaced when I started shopping alone with Emagene. Now that I have two it takes more determination to guarantee that stress is limited. First off, everyone must eat before we shop. At the very least, the trip starts with a deli purchase and some time at the cafe tables. Momma has more control over her emotions, the children aren't asking for every treat they see on the shelf, and we save money by sticking to our list and not buying everything that looks amazing!

Next, the trip is a learning experience. What am I teaching them? What am I not teaching them is a better question! They are learning how to select produce, how to follow lists, how to interact with others, how to behave in traffic. We chat with strangers over the random shelving choice to separate the cans of green chilies into 2 locations instead of lumping them all together on the same shelf. We price compare, watch the bakers use the awesome tortilla oven, and practice reading.

I try play to a characteristic at each ahop to help keep the chore lite. At one store, momma gets a coffee or a hot chocolate to share, another place we get always cookies, a third shop has amazing grilled cheese sandwiches. So I plan my trip based on time of day and which "treat" is appropriate. I try not to snack the entire time were shopping, or every time. We spend a lot more time weighing apples just because (I buy a number of apples and don't stress the weight, but its fun for emagene to use tools and she feels helpful when she has jobs.) I encourage her to pick the best peppers, or find the bag of lentils (green label with a big "L"), Or other staple products she is familiar with, like tinned olives. Sometimes I let Aoife chew on a tub of yogurt, or I buy overpriced berries and let her experience the food she's surrounded by. The whole time I apologize to everyone, stressing public politeness, and probably seem Canadian to those watching. But the girls have fun. Or at least they seem to. Their eyes are wide open and their senses are alert busily taking everything in. After shopping, we usually head home for lunch, a video or book, and a nap!

 

 It helps that I'm not particularly bothered with what people think of my kids, except for when I would shop with a screaming newborn and my exhausted nerves where fried. When we shop, I only notice my kids and maybe the people we're about to run over or who stop to comment on how well behaved my kids are. I take time to talk to them about what we're buying, what were going to do with it, how it got to the shop. Sometimes i make them smell the berries or knock on the watermelon. i have had more people stop to thank me for teaching my 4-year old how to grocery shop than I have had tell me I was brave for shopping with a newborn, or that I have my hands full (which happens a lot, usually when aoife is asleep in the carrier and Emagene is in one of those car carts that are horrible to steer!) 

Truthfully, when Emagene is in that manually operated amusement ride and Aoife is asleep, I can get my shopping done quick, but it isn't as fun. That's the experience I save for the last store of the day.

And now to keep the love flowing into dinner prep, that's a  completely different journey!

the power of words

The other day at a playground a young girl, probably about 4, announced she needed to use the facilities. She said it in such a way that led me to believe she was recently toilet trained. Her face showed a mixture of shock, awe, and complete terror that had her caregiver responding in a near panic. But what struck me was the verbal response from her caregiver: "Squeeze your legs together and let's run." How confusing! Squeezing ones legs together will in no way guarantee the activation of the pelvic floor muscles that are used to stop the flow of urine. And how can this girl run while pressing her thighs together? If she tried she'd most likely end up looking like Bert from Mary Poppins doing his penguin dance (view the dance here) and hurrying would be impossible. No wonder this sweet child looked panicked!  She was sure to fail if she tried to follow those instructions! I assume she figured out how to politely disobey and focus on getting to the loo because a few minutes later they returned to the playground in the same clothing.

So why am I sharing this story? Because it reminded me of the power of words. Especially as a parent of small children, I believe how you phrase instructions or requests is important for success. My research, of exactly one child, suggests that children want to please their caregivers (this finding is reinforced by reading books on child development). If the child doesn't understand the words, how can they complete the task? If poor grammar is used, or conflicting actions are asked of them, or they don't understand what the task is, I believe they panic a little. 

Now don't get me wrong, I do not believe this little girl's caregiver was intentionally setting her up to fail. In fact, she looked a little panicked too, as most parents of newly potty-trained kids do when they take their littles out in public for the first few diapers-free weeks. The look on her face suggested she said the first helpful bit of encouragement that came to her as she scanned the area for the closest toilet - which at this park is usually behind a big tree.

So what do I want you to walk away from this blog thinking? Think before you speak. It really is as simple as your mom told you it would be. Is what you're about to say helpful? Is it clear? Loving? Necessary? Kind? Positive? Gentle guidance? What reaction am I hoping to get from my words? Is the reaction helpful? or will be it stained with negativity from the delivery of my thoughts?

And I am saying this as much to myself as I am to anyone reading this. What you say, and how you say it, will bring about results. Be sure your are communicating in a way to ensure you get the results you desire. Yelling will ensure action, but will it be the action you wish, and will it be sprinkled with love or with disdain and fear? Are your instructions clear or are they setting up your listener for confusion and failure?

Personally, I am working to remind myself to encourage positive communication in my house, hoping to foster action and cooperation based on love and mutual respect rather than fear. Doing this means double checking my words and tone when requests aren't fulfilled. Was I unclear? Was I harsh? Did I yell? If I answer yes to any of these questions, I have not acted in line with my goal of loving communication. I must acknowledge my wrongdoings, apologize, and restate my request in a loving manner.

I have noticed when I am dedicated to this practice, my family responds. Manners ooze from my 3-year old, my husband thanks me for cooking, and we all laugh more. We aren't wasting energy yelling about miscommunication. When I'm not dedicated to this personal awareness - such as when I'm sleep deprived by the nightly screaming of a seemingly colicky newborn - negativity slips in through the cracks, requests begin to get ignored and my family members stop being polite to each other.

Be the change you want to see, in this case, in your house

This is just my household. I cannot vouch for this in your household. But I can say that it never hurts anyone to speak with extra love, respect and kindness.

crunch time

So I've entered the countdown phase of pregnancy. Based on the last go around, I like to slow roast babies, so i don't expect a baby or any newborn photos until Labor Day. That said, don't expect too much around this site at all until about that time. There's so much to still get done! For example: Read the manual, install the carseat. Buy the last few needed labor/birth/baby items and pack the bags for the birth center. Remember peter's swim suit. Get the house cleaned to my preferences before company starts arriving. Freeze a few meals. Stock the pantry. Get a chicken with a broken leg mended. Decide which class Emagene is going to take for the month of August and sign her up. Soon. Load up on library movies and books for that first month of no sleeping. Draw a treasure map to entertain Emagene while I'm laboring with her sister. Get a handle on the typical end of summer yard work. Print off the helpful tips pages I was encouraged to create for out of town helpers. Cast my belly and paint it. And somewhere in there i would love to find the time and money to get a pedicure, a prenatal massage, a cut and color, and a maternity photo session.

While all this seems overwhelming, I have a month, easy, to get it completed. And as I'm sure you've learned about me by now, i'm pretty good at prioritizing. By the end of today. I'll have read the carseat manual, made an extensive shopping and packing list, and possibly reserved a handful of library materials, prematurely. Some people call this phase nesting. I can see why they do. However, in my case, I'm just like this normally - detailed, particular and focused. Forgetful pregnancy brain drives me crazy!! 

And I like to ramble.

That said, I think I'll go edit some photos for a story in pictures about Emagene's summer art classes at the rec center.

why i am thankful for not sleeping

What do the first trimester of pregnancy and the third trimester have in common? Those of you have been here, already know: lack of sleep, inability to eat, and complete exhaustion most of the time. While sitting around doing nothing might seem nice, occasionally, it is incredibly boring and unhelpful in the world of Preparation for Labor. Basically, in the beginning everything internally is moving around and relocating while momma scrambles to get her new diet regimen up to speed. Near the end, the stomach is super tiny, but baby is fattening. So eating enough causes heartburn and indigestion making it nearly impossible to eat very much at one time. Then comes the amazingness of waking up completely to roll over, reminding you of your frequent need to urinate, or the wonderful leg cramps that can wake you from the dead of sleep, again reminding you to waddle to the loo, and you have a recipe for exhaustion come morning. Some women are even blessed with overactive brains resulting in pregnancy insomnia.

That said, I am choosing to see some of this as a blessing. I am now back to waking up a little before Emagene, instead of her waking me up. The beauty of this is simple. I am now able to have a cuppa tea while stalking the blogosphere, bake something yummy for breakfast, or kick it on the porch swing with my read of choice (and the greedy chickens), that way when she wakes up I don't feel quite as compelled to spend my day staring at my iPhone trying to "keep up" with whats going on in the world. She gets her morning video with breakfast while I do a little yoga and then we're off and running. A day full of playtime and chores. With the heat kicking in it's nice to get some of the me time I need before trying to fill an afternoon of forced indoor play. I can only come up with so many recycled craft ideas without a little outside influence. 

I do feel the need to say I am SOOO glad the heat has waited until now! The 100+ temps are about a month late based on the last 3 summers of hellacious heat we've lived through. For that I am eternally grateful! 

But this momma still gets cabin fever like you would not believe! Summer is the time for playing outside all day. Running through streams, climbing trees, reading on the grass, chasing butterflies, exploring every city pool or natural swimming hole you can find. Summer is not for sitting around inside, watching videos and playing computer games, unless its over 100 by noon and you'll risk death by attempting that soccer game at 2. Then its safer to stay indoors and finger paint. And go crazy with cabin fever! So yay for porch reading before 9 due simple to the inability to sleep when 8 months pregnant!

Disney movie review by my 2-year-old

My little girl has grown very particular on her viewing selections. We've tried a handful of 'classics' but she tells us to turn them off. She doesn't like them. They are scary. 'Bad guys' really get to her. Especially bad guys with a human form. Animal or Monster bad guys aren't so bad. For example:

Beauty and the Beast: doesn't like Gaston, hates the beast.

Princess and the Frog: must skip any scene with the Shadow Man.

Little Mermaid: let's just not mention Ursula at all.

Tinkerbell and the Lost Treasure: brief chase scene and a troll encounter are a little intense, but we survive it and will agree to watch it again.

Her current favorite movie: Cinderella, totally fine. True, the cat chases mice, but this is normal. Some people can be mean and not outright violent or evil. This is also normal. Perfectly acceptable even. We all have our off days when we're a bit grumpy. Therefore "cinnernella no have bad dyes." and we will gladly replace her other current Disney viewing favorite (Mickey mouse clubhouse) with a Cinderella viewing.

Why my husband is an excellent father

It's been a turbulent summer in the job/income part of our world. We both have awesome jobs we love! For this, I am so grateful! His had strange and unpredictable hours and mine was 260 miles away. Things are mellowing out. He picked up a ground course (lecture class 5 days a week) and I've got a break from my one crazy 36-hour day each week. That said, the transition into job 'stability' has been rough on emagene.

Her whole life she's been used to seeing daddy during the day and going to sleep while he is at work. Now we wake up and either are taking him to work or he's already gone. He has taken over bedtime to help balance this, but when his day leans toward the 14-hour side, she gets a little ruffled. She needs her daddy. Fortunately, he's aware how important daddy-daughter time is and does his best to take her on the Tarmac when we pick him up, read 2 extra books at bedtime, or take a walk to the playground just the 2 of them no matter how tired, hungry and in need of a shower he is. I really did pick a good guy!

Today is no exception. After 6 10-12-hour days in a row, he has to spend his only day off sitting around a auto mechanic shop while they replace tires and tweak the alignment. Guess who desperately wanted to go? He obliged and loaded a two-year old in a pink princess dress into the car armed with coloring books, an imaginetics set, and fairy castle action figures. Hopefully they can watch the repairs through windows and eat popcorn while they bond. Or hit up the pizza buffet across the street.

The day we managed to do it all

I'm never sure if I should love these days because we got it all done, or hate them because they reinforce my belief that I can do it all. 

 

Not pictured: Mickey's Clubhouse viewings (current favorite), laundry, dishes, cleaning the inside of the coop, Play-Doh fun, frying and eating of the Black-Eyed Pea cakes (recipe in Southern Living's Farmers Market cookbook available here),  bathtime, grilling of chicken for the freezer, and many other things.

Today's giggle

key to deciphering "Emagene":

no word is allowed to start with a vowel, therefore the word 'an' is split in two. For example: an owl becomes a nowl; Apple, napple; olive, nahlive; Egg, negg. Etc.

Words ending with the letter p should be recited backwords: help becomes pleh. Up becomes puh.

When convenient, shorten the actual amount of words by combining as many as possible.

Artemis has been renamed 'minar' because Emagene said so. The dog is starting to get the hint.

Gardening with a 2-year old

Waiting for seeds to germinate is difficult. Like watching her learn. No meddling, no 'helping', no shortcuts. Just watching and encouraging. But not too much encouraging, that can be counter productive with weak roots and lacking the ability to "weather the storm." Sometimes even "watching" can be distracting and counter productive, robbing growing/learning energy and transforming it into performance energy.

However, I have stumbled upon an amazing book designed to engage her in the garden! Check out Sharon Lovejoy's "Roots Shoots buckets and boots". (linked here) I am so excited to build an explorers kit and start encouraging Emagene to accompany me on my daily "discovery walks" in the garden.

On a slightly different note: remember my post about schooling? I think I've concluded that by stock piling the "right" tools and previewing books now, I may be able to sort out this education thing until we live in an area with a free school or a Montessori I love.

What tools do you find most helpful for young curious minds?

Most hesitation and fear comes from a lack of preparedness. Here goes getting prepared for learning!

(this has nothing to do with being prepared after the latest "zombie" attacks. *sigh*)

Some Food for Thought

After watching King Corn, Food Inc., and Forks over Knives, I'm usually left feeling that i can't eat.

Well, that's a bit extreme.

I am immediately left feeling concerned that unless I grow all my foods, I will I eventually eat food grown from genetically modified seeds, covered in pesticides, loaded with processed sugars, or malnourished animals fed antibiotics and/or growth hormones so the grower could make a quicker buck leaving me hopeless to the coming world of cancer, while funding big agriculture, big pharm, and big government.

In truth, growing my own food reconnects me with the earth and my Self. It keeps me focused on the seasons, freely educates my daughter on the cycle of life, and it tastes amazing! It frees me from a level of dependency and helps me stay aware of what I'm actually fuelling my body with. "food is fuel."

I am encouraged to re-evaluate my general diet whenever I watch these kinds of documentaries. I swore off high fructose corn syrup ages ago and instantly lost 20 pounds. We eat a fair amount of whole fat dairy products so they can be fully digested, not treated like sugar, and we feel full. We consume animal meats on average once a week or less and it's as humanely grown, fed, packaged, and as locally done as possible. I think I've bought a total of 10 pounds of sugar in the last 18 months. Unfortunately, we love our chocolate chip cookies, eggs and cheeses so vegan may never be an option for us!

My current state of fear (since I just watched Forks Over Knives watch here official site here) is how much cow milk Emagene drinks. I am nervous. Am I starting her in on early liver cancer? Probably not, but I'm not helping her chances. Then comes the feeling of helplessness: what are my other, affordable options? Soy? Hell no! 95% of America's soy is genetically modified and the beans from abroad are the cause of the rainforest demise and shipping concerns. This, mixed with the recent TIME article (the one about breastfeeding and attachment parenting. you know which one I mean.) has me second guessing my choice to wean.

We've always been a "let's see what happens and go from there" kind of family. There has never been a set Weaning Age, food schedule, sleep schedule... Really any schedule except work times and those are NEVER constant. It works for us. The house stays comfortably picked up, we get enough sleep and food, the chickens and dog are properly cared for, we generally speak positively to each other, and we tend to laugh and cry as much as any other family. But trying to wean has brought out the hitter and bitter in baby, the negative stress in momma, and a disconnected daddy. I think I'm gonna take all these physical, mental, and a randomly chosen Netflix choice as signs and interpret them as saying that now is not a good time to wean.

Perhaps next month?

Things I noticed about my girl this week

When toys are presented neatly, she'll play with them. In particular the doll-house or the train set.
Peanut butter sandwiches cannot be eaten sitting down.
She is able to recite parts of books and songs she's heard once, if they grabbed her attention: grumpy bird, head shoulder and other new things from storytime.
She loves mastering new abilities: puppet play, jumping into water, holding breath.
Fairy tea parties are almost as good as bubble bath tea parties.
She is getting to end of her quiet and watch phase of this new place.
She is starting to talk up a storm.
Ice cream cures everything!

Old Soul

Sometimes I sit with my little girl and see the old soul in her giving me a glimpse of Emagene in 10-12 years. Tonight, for instance, as she sat in one my tanks fashionably tied back with hair elastics, hurriedly eating tomato soup and kale chips after a day of being outside (chalking, chicken chasing, playground experimenting and hot tubbing) it was easy to see her as a young teen just in from practice or work, starving but needing to get to something else soon. In this case it was mop the kitchen and dining room. The future will probably hold more boyfriends and homework and less voluntary housework. And I'm okay with that because on those nights I'll remember tonight and her thoughtfully whipping each slop off the table and completely ignoring her soaking shirt only to pass out in my arms a half hour later.

It's been one of those weeks

just to give you an idea, right now: i'm holding my 2-year old who has dirty feet from chasing chickens, hose soaked pants streaked with finger paint, fruit smoothie on her shirt, sidewalk chalk on her forehead, chai tea and peanut butter on her upper lip, and sponge paint designs on her elbows.

I've managed to make smoothie, tea and coffee, eat cold pizza, keep paint out of carpet, get the laundry started, prep what might be the chickens new home, feed the dog, retrieve said canine from the neighbor's yard twice, and chat with my sister.

And we've only been up 3 hours.

This Moment

You know those nights when you can't sleep but you have to lay as still as possible so as not to wake the other person/people/beings you share the bed with?

Yea, I'm having one of those nights with the added bonus of a slowly dripping nose.

I know what you're gonna say; go try laying on the couch or watching Netflix or reading or something. Anything! Trouble is, if I'm outta bed for longer than it takes to pee and return, little miss wakes up in tears, which would wake up the chickens, the dog, the husband (if he were home) and probably the neighbors since I'd be wearing earphones while on Netflix. And then I'd get stuck trying not to be impatient or frustrated while rocking her back to sleep. Not restful at all!

So. This is what happens. Instead of filling up the Facebook news feed or photo-stalking 'friends' I never talk to, I type on my iPhone notepad, play stupid word games, and shove tissue up my nose while trying not to cough too loud.

It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds.

Trust me.

Long Late Naps

First: I don't think I would have survived this long in Parenthood without them.

Second: I find it amazing that all the small creatures who rely on me for their well being nap at roughly the same time. Those long hours just before sunset, when the shadows are starting to pop up, the breezes kick in, and the temperature has (in some cases, finally) started dropping.

Usually this is my only quiet moment all day. I can read, watch a non-G rated movie, Facebook, nap, bake, make an elaborate dinner, sleep, get a lot of chores done really fast, or play XBOX.

Today, I took 5 minutes to blog, and then I'm gonna pee (alone!) and take a nap.

In case you cared.

Epiphanies, Part 1

These happen a lot. Mostly as sound bites, so bare with me. I'll try to explain what I mean.

• Life is in a constant state of transition. You only notice it of you are resisting change.

We are transitioning from school to workforce, from a one bedroom to a 2, from no tv to way too much and back down again, from living in a big city to not, to having a thriving urban homestead, to being married, with kid, ...

• Having miso soup powder in the cupboard is the best thing ever!

In a pinch, Emagene will always consume miso. It's faster than macncheese (other favorite) and easier than packing up and heading to a drive thru. I nannied for a little guy while I was pregnant and his dad argued that making pasta took 10 minutes and sometimes they can't wait that long, so he takes the kid to mcd's. I still roll my eyes at this. I can easily have the Mac or miso ready in the time it takes to get e in the car!

• Not being on a schedule is freeing, but having a concept of how much time has passed can save a toddler melt down.

We've never been scheduled eaters. We eat when we're hungry. This is typically every 4 hours, but not set in stone. I believe no one can tell me when to be hungry so I am unable to tell my 2-year old when she should be ready to eat. That said, if she hasn't eaten in 4 hours, I probably should get something together before she showcases just how unbalanced her systems are.