.right now.

When I get stressed at the state of the world, I pause and take an honest look at my life. My days are spent cleaning up a lot of poop and dirt, but those responsible for the messes are better off for being part of my household. My family can afford and chooses to eat fresh eggs, broccoli, chai tea, and quinoa. We have jobs in fields that fulfill our souls. Singalongs around the piano are normal. Board games, crafts and dance parties fill our time rather than prime time tv shows. We do watch the occasional holiday or classic film and a little mickey mouse clubhouse in the name learning while the kid is awake. And we catchup on pop culture after childhood sleep has arrived, if we have anything left to keep ourselves awake, that is.

I really do live a charmed life. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a small child to dance and singalong to 1st half of Sound of Music.

an update and some musings

While there has been a healthy mix of stress (see last post) and boredom in my life these days, I seem to struggle finding time to blog. Some of this is because I filled in the last page of my paper journal and am hesitant to blog without filtering my thoughts on paper first. (Note to self: must by a journal ASAP!)

So a brief update to all 11 of you followers and the countless eavesdroppers out there: After a much needed full moon rite and meditation, a tiny little money chant (please don't run in fear!), and some positive days with the garden, I got a call from the local chapter of my union and got to work! Yay! When life is tough, nothing helps me see the silver lining and feel like I can and am doing something to help better what can be seen as a negative situation like earning my half of the income. Soon after these 2 'glorious' days in Fort Worth, a friend started texting me out of the blue with news of work days back in Tulsa. I jumped on it, called the steward and then proceeded to spend most of my week driving back and forth, working long hours and hardly sleeping. Oh! but the joy of doing something made it all worth it! (that and seeing some really good people whom I've been missing.)

We're not out of the woods yet (as "they" say), but we feel a little saner. Those first few months of student loan repayments can kill morale, motivation and joy. Not being able to find additional work, chickens tearing up the garden, borrowing money, adding these to the mix can lead to frustration and depression if not careful. I think we, as a family, are getting a handle on dealing with these moments and are starting to make headway.

Next, depending on one or two factors, we will decide if we are indeed staying in Denton and pushing on or returning to Tulsa, picking up old jobs and hoping for a better outcome. The dream is still to go to Portland for Christmas and stay there, with jobs, living arrangements and all that. Until that happens, I will keep living for the dream (and collecting eggs everyday since all the girls have started laying as of today).

Stress

We've all been there in some form or other. We've had the unfortunate, or wonderful, encourager to get things done. Whether these are things we've been procrastinating or things we just didn't want to admit as reality, we've either risen to the occasion or fallen under the burden. Whichever path you choose in these moments sets the course for the future. Not always in a tangible way, but set a course nonetheless. Who's to say any path is 'better' than another? We all learn something along the way and depending on what is learned, stress can be a blessing.

I'm not gonna go into detail about the source of our current stress, but rather say that stress has an uncanny way to motivate me into action. Today that action is to apply for jobs I don't really want that may require putting emagene is state funded daycare. This could be described as my worst nightmare: leaving her with strangers while I work a depressing, deadend gig just to feed her. Our it could be seen as a learning moment in preparation for our next life change that may require our family to sell all our belongings and live in multiple states dreaming of a better future.

This sounds scary. And exciting. It's not much different than some of your grandparents and their coming into the states in hopes of work with the dream of moving the whole family and being together again sooner than later. It's the story of most people the world over. It's why going to the movies is so popular. Dreaming of a better future starts with believing in a better now. If that can't be tangible quick enough, let's watch other people live it in high definition.

If we stay here will we starve, if we move we have hope. But if we can't buy groceries, how do we afford to move? By setting things in motion and hoping for the best.

(I wrote this a week ago or so when I was at my wits' end. Things are better now and in motion. Only time will tell what will happen and where we will be.)

Working It

Since moving halfway across the country, money has been tight. Income wages are about half of those where we came from and Sallie Mae doesn't factor that into her monthly demands.

Than we had a kid, I was forcibly cut back at work, and our income dropped again.

Fortunately, we qualified for state insurance or we would have had to learn how to have an unassisted birth. (totally doable and I am in awe of women who have done this!) we probably could have qualified for WIC but they never returned my calls. And based on what I've heard since then, I wouldn't have been happy with it anyway.

While they are an awesome service for those who need assistance, they provide mostly cereal, dairy and dried rice and beans. We like to buy fresh produce first and get those other things with the money left over.

We've joined a co-op and grow some of our own food. We've learned how to be creative with our money (since we stink at 'budgeting' - but isn't that just creative money on paper?) We don't do drive thrus, are really limited on the processed snacks and freezer fillers, so we can get by without the federal aid.

Maybe the service is out there and I'm uneducated about it, but wouldn't it be great it you could use your WIC voucher at the farmers market? Or have a larger produce allotment (i hear its something like $6)? Maybe an honest food awareness class, not funded by Big Ag, encouraging the population to really eat our broccoli?