.this moment.

Right now I am

• thankful for the brightly wrapped surprises hidden in my closet. If they were under the tree, Aoife would've opened them all by now.

• sipping hot coffee

• curious how best to help my coughing, hacking cat

• enjoying a winter-like day in Texas with overcast skies, drizzle, and a high in the low 50s.

• debating which of my favorite treats to bring along to our Yule celebration tonight.

• listening to the chirping of cardinals and sparrows as they enjoy the safety of our yard

• grateful Hawk has not gotten any of them or my chickens yet this season though she is also in my yard every cloudy morning

• hoping everyone's mailed treasures arrive to the destinations when expected

• wondering how my cat manages to open the closet 

• about to finish the annual card mailing

• loving the stillness before the children stir

• snuggling my furry friends

• wishing you all a joyous and safe season of celebrating. May blessing find you throughout the year to come!

seeds of thought

I was cleaning out my email inbox and found all these little nuggets of blog seeds that I had sent to myself from the my smart phone over the last year or so.

Emagene hates sweet potatos
Loves music class!
 
Grocery aisle

Her: 2 generations older than me, picking her trusted brands: 

demonte and huntse 

Me: picking my trusted organic brands: Muir Glen and Eden
Same tomato-y outcome
 
Birds- rain forest -spring
Dog is antsy I'm antsy
Just sitting and waiting 
 
'nothing is impossible. The word itself says, 'I'm possible.'"

 -audrey Hepburn

Right now march 26, 2012
 
I'm watching the washing blow in the wind
Listening to the contented peeping of free ranging chicks
Wearing freshly washed flip flops
Not wearing shoes because they need to be washed again
Amused by the ramblings of my 2-year old
Watching the sun tea turn deep amber
Waiting for news about the man's job
Wondering how how many gallons are being pumped through the 

sprinkler in the name of cooling,learning and over-watering

 June 3, 2012

Look around you and see what excites you; explore that.
 
What if everything excites me? Gardening, livestock, sustainably 

using the land I live on, animation, theatre, lighting, 

photography, traveling, doing nothing, doing everything, 

dancing, connecting, yoga, sitting under trees, sitting 

in trees, snuggling, painting,  

12/18/2012

it seems that my inner mind is distracted refereeing battles. 

My Self now and my Self 10 years ago are constantly waging war 

as to which life style brought me the most fulfillment. 

Nothin highlights inner struggles quite like a seasonal shift 

into winter with its focus on the home hearth and self, the 

passing of loved ones or a meteor shower. And I have all three 

at my disposal tonight! 

Ah! My self of ten years ago would scoff at my self now. Giving 

up a room above a pub in a busy neighborhood of London for a cozy 

house on the outskirts of town surrounded by chickens and my own 

child. The me now wishes I had saved some of that money I spent on 

fun and paid more toward student loan avoidment. The me now giggles 

because it seems fairly standard for women entering their mid-30s 

to write a letter to their 20-year old self.  What would the me now 

tell the me back then? Don't leave London! You'll never make it 

back across the border! You'll get stuck in America!  Maybe. I 

may say smart things like keep up the focus. Give up the awesome 

trip to spain to be the 3rd AD on that low budget film. Maybe. But 

I think I would mostly say: Good job following your heart, living 

your dreams, exploring what you had access to, and keep on going. 

No regrets! Create learning opportunities and your perseption will

keep changing for the positive. 

.this moment.

Right now I am...

* praying the chickens recover from their respiratory issues and we can go back to eating eggs

* Listening to Emagene tell me about Tinkerbell

* thinking of all the last minute party shopping to be done

* hoping the weather forcast for Saturday's event keeps improving

* feeling the chill in my toes

* looking at a massive pile of laundry

* noticing the return of the blue jays

* dreaming about garden activities to be enjoyed once the birthday party is a thing of the past

* drinking my fifth glass of water since waking 4 hours ago. Yay for hydration!

* remembering the To Do list and not getting overwhelmed

* being literally pushed out of my chair by a child excited to get on with day.

* wishing you a wonderful day!

Right now I'm

- thankful for cheap battery operated fans, though not as thankful as the chickens
- happy the 'fake egg in the nest' trick actually works
- discovering a new-to-me Olympic sport and loving it!
- reviving my joy of white water sports
- listening to the stirrings of an overtired 2-year old
- hoping she sleeps a little longer
- reminding myself that the tv is going off after the kayak races are over
- learning about swimmers ear and natural treatments for it
- curious what my water bill will be due to chicken water parks that must be activated multiple times a day in this heat!
- pondering the necessity of getting electrolytes for the chickens
- loving the cooler weather in the morning
- giggling that cooler is 91F!
- enjoying a peaceful moment to myself and a lovely cup of coffee

Stress

We've all been there in some form or other. We've had the unfortunate, or wonderful, encourager to get things done. Whether these are things we've been procrastinating or things we just didn't want to admit as reality, we've either risen to the occasion or fallen under the burden. Whichever path you choose in these moments sets the course for the future. Not always in a tangible way, but set a course nonetheless. Who's to say any path is 'better' than another? We all learn something along the way and depending on what is learned, stress can be a blessing.

I'm not gonna go into detail about the source of our current stress, but rather say that stress has an uncanny way to motivate me into action. Today that action is to apply for jobs I don't really want that may require putting emagene is state funded daycare. This could be described as my worst nightmare: leaving her with strangers while I work a depressing, deadend gig just to feed her. Our it could be seen as a learning moment in preparation for our next life change that may require our family to sell all our belongings and live in multiple states dreaming of a better future.

This sounds scary. And exciting. It's not much different than some of your grandparents and their coming into the states in hopes of work with the dream of moving the whole family and being together again sooner than later. It's the story of most people the world over. It's why going to the movies is so popular. Dreaming of a better future starts with believing in a better now. If that can't be tangible quick enough, let's watch other people live it in high definition.

If we stay here will we starve, if we move we have hope. But if we can't buy groceries, how do we afford to move? By setting things in motion and hoping for the best.

(I wrote this a week ago or so when I was at my wits' end. Things are better now and in motion. Only time will tell what will happen and where we will be.)

Right now I'm

• Resting from a trek involving library storytime, a mile and a half walk, a bus ride and a 2year old.
• remembering the hot part of summer is yet to come
• deciding a bus pass is what this family needs
• wondering if my "since moving to Texas" skin issues are food related
• making mental lists of all the changes in the last 3 months (food source, milk source, laundry detergent brand, insect habit disruption, sleep patterns, coffee roasters, financial situation, etc)
• wondering if any one has read my Starbucks application yet
• hoping that something will fix our financial crisis
• wondering how to get all the chores done in the cooler hours without getting eaten alive by Mosquitos
• drinking lemonade with fresh strawberries
• watching my dog listen to strange noises outside
• listening to the rambling 'dialogue' of 3 horses named bullseye, 2 fairies, and a cloth doll named Blue
• thinking its time to put down my phone and join them

Happenings

These last 2 weeks have been crazy! Playdates, building of a hen house, sprouting of more peas, pumpkins, carrots, lettuce, squash, battle with the indoor bugs, making yogurt and cheese, shredding letters from another life, picnics, crafts, swimming in a lake, cleaning and general life. Whew! I'm tired thinking about it!

Today

Just an idea of Normal around here:
Got up and ate granola, bananas, tea and milk. Threw laundry in the washer. Fed the chickens and opened their run. Fed the dog. Got the child dressed with promises of playgrounds and ice cream sandwiches (momma needed to get coffee on our walk today). Debated whether to take the wagon or the stroller because backpack with ice cream is not advised. Ended up Pushing the stroller while small one held the leash for smaller one. Played at school playground near our house. Got coffee and ice cream for walk home. Searched for chicks. All accounted for, hiding in new 'tree fort'. Erected a shade canopy over chicken run involving a sarong, some clothespins and the hedge. Dad came home for lunch with strange news. When he left we took out recycling. Chatted with neighbors; youngest daughter now wants a pet chicken. Caught one and brought it to her to pet. Unfortunately for her dad, solidified her interest in keeping chickens. Made mini pizza. Ate popcorn. watched monsters. Went swimming. Watched chickens catch bugs in our 'swamp.' Changed laundry. Texted dad a grocery list. Painted. Invented games involving puff balls and stickers. Put away groceries. Made dinner while the other cleaned up from more swimming. Ate. Fed chickens and locked them up for the night. Cleaned kitchen with the mister while munchkin got distracted searching under sink for bubbles. After cleaning up dishwasher detergent realized naked toddler was splashing and soaping up with bubble solution in middle of kitchen floor. Blew bubbles. Bathed child. Put away puff balls, laundry. Got sticker bombed. Realized i have a slight sunburn. Snuggled munchkin to sleep as she asked for Seals and Crofts Summer Breezes to be turned up. Ate ice cream. Played scrabble.

This moment

Thought I'd try something new this morning with my coffee and chicken time. I follow a blog that regularly posts something along these lines, but being me I'm experimenting with structure :)

This moment:

Artemis snuggling
Artemis barking out a warning
Baxter answering
Blackbirds scattering
Coffee brewing
Chickens grazing
Dandelions puffing
Edger working
Emagene dreaming
Feathers ruffling
Grubs escaping
horns honking
Ice melting
Jaybird singing
Knowledge building
Leaves tussled
Momma sitting peacefully
New day beginning
Optimism growing
Party planning
Quietness is noisy
Reading neglected
Sparrows nesting
Time ignored
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

It's been one of those weeks

just to give you an idea, right now: i'm holding my 2-year old who has dirty feet from chasing chickens, hose soaked pants streaked with finger paint, fruit smoothie on her shirt, sidewalk chalk on her forehead, chai tea and peanut butter on her upper lip, and sponge paint designs on her elbows.

I've managed to make smoothie, tea and coffee, eat cold pizza, keep paint out of carpet, get the laundry started, prep what might be the chickens new home, feed the dog, retrieve said canine from the neighbor's yard twice, and chat with my sister.

And we've only been up 3 hours.

This Moment

You know those nights when you can't sleep but you have to lay as still as possible so as not to wake the other person/people/beings you share the bed with?

Yea, I'm having one of those nights with the added bonus of a slowly dripping nose.

I know what you're gonna say; go try laying on the couch or watching Netflix or reading or something. Anything! Trouble is, if I'm outta bed for longer than it takes to pee and return, little miss wakes up in tears, which would wake up the chickens, the dog, the husband (if he were home) and probably the neighbors since I'd be wearing earphones while on Netflix. And then I'd get stuck trying not to be impatient or frustrated while rocking her back to sleep. Not restful at all!

So. This is what happens. Instead of filling up the Facebook news feed or photo-stalking 'friends' I never talk to, I type on my iPhone notepad, play stupid word games, and shove tissue up my nose while trying not to cough too loud.

It's not nearly as exciting as it sounds.

Trust me.

This moment

I'm laying on a blanket on the floor reading while she plays with the contents of a birthday box. Mostly she's using her MegaBlocks dump truck driver to stomp down the tricky balloons she can't blow up. We are both extremely content and comfortable laying on our stomachs. Then she needs her nose wiped. I have to get up, walk to the table and come back with a tissue. In that short amount of time, my book has become the Balloon Stomper's platform and my bookmark has been pulled out and become storage for the Balloons In Waiting.

She calmly let me wipe her nose then resumes trying to blow up those damn balloons! I decide to grab my phone and type this post. She's now done with balloons, pushed the book back towards me and moved on to other things. Like tissue paper. And felt fairies.