Cyber vs IRL

Tell me about the Insta-story? It's basically snapchat on Instagram, right? It's not like Facebook live where you can catch up and watch later if you take a few weeks off from social media, right? If you miss the story within 24 hrs it's gone, right? You missed out on part of whoever you're following's life because you took a break from whatever reason (I usually take breaks because I need to clean my house and hug my kids.)


So... How do we have real life interactions with people when we have to keep checking their live feeds and stories to "know what's up with them?" How do we learn to be kind, tactful and truthful when we're constantly seeking the connections we crave on a tiny screen? How can we learn to trust our selves when we are constantly distracted by the pizazz of another's way to do life?


Blech!


I'm all for having a cyber tribe. They're super helpful and lovely in times of isolation and distance, but I don't believe humans were meant to be isolated or to develop relationships with the world through a computer in their hand. I want an IRL (in real life) tribe who will get dirty in the woods, who will come over and bake or paint, whom my children will grow up knowing as safe people, role models and other trusted adults when mom's not available. I want backyard cookouts and singalongs. Those can't happen when we're all staring at our phones trying not to miss each other's lives. By doing that we are actually missing out on each other's lives! It's easy to type "I'll pray for you" but it takes work to bake a meal or clean the house of someone in need. It takes work to truly connect with other humans. And I get it, connecting can be messy. We have to apologize from time to time instead of pretending we didn't see the message that said we hurt someone's feelings. We have to roll up our sleeves and put our deeds behind our words for more than the 10 seconds it takes to snap a pic and post it. we get held accountable when we have IRL community, but its a beautiful thing to know those people also have your back should trouble find its way to your door.


I commit to working in my relationships IRL. Cultivating a tribe is just as much work, and therefore just as rewarding, as cultivating an herb garden. Each plant has a personality and a skill, each person in my life does too. How do we work together? Some of us grow well side by side daily, others are delicious when stirred together in healing teas or soups. Others need room to grow tall and spread out in order to gain the deep wisdom of a life lived in the clouds. I am thankful for our time together in stillness, embracing the cooling quiet moments in the shade, of the wisdom found in being still, together, and listening to loved ones in real life.


My Cyber tribe is all over the world, full of exotic spices and flair and I wouldn't trade them for anything! My IRL tribe suffers every time we move. They get pushed into Cyber tribe and i fear my Cyber tribe doesn't get to see the real me, the me that can only be seen by looking each other in the eyes, through all the many ways humans interact when in the same room: energetically, emotionally, telepathically, hormonally. I love the idea that when women are gathered together there is a natural release of oxytocin in the space. (I say "idea" because I haven't fully researched the claim and don't like to make scientific statements I can't backup. But still the idea is beautiful!) It so much harder to pretend that "thing" isn't bothering me when a trusted someone is looking me in the face. Its so much easier to hide behind a screen and pretend I got my shit together. You know what? I don't have my shit together. I don't think I ever have. I am constantly rearranging ideas and plans and modifying even up to GO time. It works to stay flexible sometimes, but to say I have my shit together would be a lie. And a trusted friend looking me in the face would be able to catch me in that lie much easier than in a text message or a well framed and edited Instagram post.


So I'm not gonna fake my life with you guys. I may not have my shit 100% together, I have piles of baggage to sort through and discard, I believe I will never stop growing, but I will keep coming back to myself (and hopefully this space) along the way and keep what is still working and throw out the rest. Unclutter your life, that's a hashtag movement, right? But my favorite is #unfaketheworld and that starts with un-faking me.


So cyber and IRL tribe, let's be real with each other. Social media, while helpful, can be distracting. Let's get there and see each other (especially this time of year when the darkness makes us feel even more alone than usual) and hold each up, practice active listening and truth-telling. Be together and feel your energy shift. There's magic when people get together in love (side note, love doesn't mean mushy, gooey, see-it-in-the-movies BS, it means mutual respect and adoration that genuinely cares for the other's well-being). Now text someone and make plans to walk in the park or get coffee or whatever you love to do that won't break your budget, just put down the phone and look them in the face!


Do it!

Sweet moments

Its a Saturday morning, with new snow (or ice) covering the ground, and the whole family waking up slowly. Aoife typically takes a nap about the time Emagene wakes up for the day (which is lovely). So it was this day. As I lay Aoife down in our family bed, Emagene woke up and tried to come to the sofa for cartoons but it was too cold. She ended up running into her room and crawling into the bed there. I grabbed my hot cup of coffee (a treat by itself that may have just made the whole day a tad jollier) and went in to have our usual morning chat. What made it special this morning im not exactly sure. Pete was making breakfast, the baby was sound asleep, my coffee was the perfect temperature, the sun was bouncing off the snow and lighting her room in that magical sparkly way only snow can. And we just sat there chatting about snow, about the smell of bacon, the need to put off Christmas shopping due to weather, the number of snow angels asking to be made and all the other important things happening in that moment. It's what Amber at Crappy Pictures calls a Magical Moment; something you'll remember forever for no particular reason other than it was innocently special.  

Crappypictures.com/the-flower-or-a-magical-moment-memories/

happy flowers

The other day I noticed the yellow wood sorrel was blooming. It's a clover relative, edible, favorite snack of the chickens. So naturally its only blooming in the front yard. I pointed it out to emagene told her it makes me happy to see the yellow flowers because that means its warming up, finally! We ate some leaves and went on our way.

We've been watching the wild flowers (or weeds) blooming their different colors for the last few weeks: white, blue, yellow.

Yesterday she came running. "Mom the purple ones that make me happy are here!" A patch of something had all bloomed at once in the center of the yard. And right next to it, she pointed, "And see? The yellow ones that make you happy!"

The aviary

We seem to have created an aviary.

We have the 4th house on the block. From the end of the street one must pass a backyard full of teenagers, a backyard full of boys under 8, and a desolate backyard of a house for sale. Granted, upon reaching our yard one is welcomed by two mature cottonwood trees, a pecan tree and close over the back fence an ancient dessert willow. This yard's primary function is to be a habitat for four free-range naked-neck chickens. Being so means bowls of fresh water, changed daily, are scattered everywhere shade is constant. It also means that shady areas are created, maintained and well supplied with food; each a mini-aviary.

For example:

Two broad leafed shrubs grow on the west side of the deck. They serve as a source of shade for the chickens, a cover for sparrows coming to visit the bird feeder or share the chicken water which is on the deck (out of reach of scratching backsplash and therefore always clean). These shrubs have housed a pair of nesting doves and their two chicks in early spring and currently house a young pair of nesting cardinals and their baby in the same nest. The chickens and sparrows borrow the dirt for baths in exchange for depositing fertilizer.

The bushes seem thankful for their additional job as a water park. We've hung a sheet between the shrubs and the deck to keep the grass-less area cool and inviting. We also spray the dirt, straw and branches down at least three times a day allowing water to pool under and on the bushes.

The chickens are living through the heat wave and so are the wild birds in this area, thanks to these two shrubs. A stopping point on ones way through the neighborhood to the giant bird feeders on the other end.

Our aviary is one of the few plants thriving in my yard right now: These bushes and the basil.

Hearts and Minds

  A lot of people dear to me have been through and are continuing through some really tough life stuff. The kind of stuff that makes me stop and think, what would I do if that was my story right now? Mostly I just cry; for them, over them and because it's the only thing I could possibly do if these stories were mine. Naturally the full range of emotions runs through me and I do my best to ground myself and let those precious people live their own stories while making myself available, with tissues, if needed. It's doubly hard when I'm 2000 miles away from these dear ones and cannot physically take them for drinks, make them dinner or clean their bathrooms while they try to heal, make tough decisions or just simply nap.

  Then I struggle with feelings of selfishness. It's not my story, why am I hurting so bad? Do I want to help because my heart is breaking for them or is my heart breaking due to helplessness of the situation or due to my inability to help?? I feel confident that if the love wasn't mutual, their heart-wrenching situation wouldn't leave me offering to clean their toilets. I can find peace knowing that they are not alone, that I can send them healing and positive energy, and pray for someone physically closer to them to take the initiative. I can long distance hire a maid for a day. Or send chocolate bouquets. None of it will stop the cancer, heal the lungs or bring a baby back to life but it might offer a chance to smile and take a break from the overwhelming existence of the painful side of life. Frustrating little sayings spin through my head and I get upset at them: "where there's a will there's a way", "everything in it's time", "with extreme love comes extreme pain". They are truth, but right now truth is painful and unwanted. My heart also aches for the mothers of these, forced to hold their ailing babes, knowing this could be the last moment.

   I struggle with my religious convictions all at once. Where can we find the strength to go on? From god? From within themselves? From the support of others? From the earth and her never ending presence? From religion? From alcohol, food, cigarettes, etc.? There are so many stories like these playing out around us yet, as outsiders, we try to legalise some ways of coping and degrade people for choosing methods we wouldn't recommend. What if you held your 2- hour old son and watched him take his last breathe? Would you be able to still swear off a strong drink at the end of the day? I wouldn't. Would you not have doubts or anger toward the object of your faith tradition for even a moment? I would. So would the father battling tumours. It can get overwhelming quickly!

  In these moments I choose peace, i breathe and let my spirit guide the healing; for in living the questions, the answers become apparent. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday it will all make sense and we will all heal.

photo credit unknown. If you know, please message me and I will give credit where its due.

This moment

Thought I'd try something new this morning with my coffee and chicken time. I follow a blog that regularly posts something along these lines, but being me I'm experimenting with structure :)

This moment:

Artemis snuggling
Artemis barking out a warning
Baxter answering
Blackbirds scattering
Coffee brewing
Chickens grazing
Dandelions puffing
Edger working
Emagene dreaming
Feathers ruffling
Grubs escaping
horns honking
Ice melting
Jaybird singing
Knowledge building
Leaves tussled
Momma sitting peacefully
New day beginning
Optimism growing
Party planning
Quietness is noisy
Reading neglected
Sparrows nesting
Time ignored
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Long Late Naps

First: I don't think I would have survived this long in Parenthood without them.

Second: I find it amazing that all the small creatures who rely on me for their well being nap at roughly the same time. Those long hours just before sunset, when the shadows are starting to pop up, the breezes kick in, and the temperature has (in some cases, finally) started dropping.

Usually this is my only quiet moment all day. I can read, watch a non-G rated movie, Facebook, nap, bake, make an elaborate dinner, sleep, get a lot of chores done really fast, or play XBOX.

Today, I took 5 minutes to blog, and then I'm gonna pee (alone!) and take a nap.

In case you cared.