Soundbites: Facebook Status Updates That Could Have been

What my twitter feed would look like and why I'm not letting myself get an account.

• hard boiled eggs are called "eggs we can peal" around here.
• when the baby doesn't scream all evening, she's still up until forever wanting to be entertained.
• Why does the mister think he can come home and unwind and I think I can sit down and relax when he gets home. Neither of these things can happen for a few more years.
• A sick 3-year old who wakes up screaming because she can't breathe, wakes up the baby who was finally asleep. Baby protests loudly and can't be set down. Big girl needs to be cuddled and convinced to wake up all the way to blow her nose, otherwise she freaks out thinking we're gonna suffocate her with a tissue. Yay!
• I've become really bad at multi-tasking. must be due to the lack of coffee.
• Apparently feathers can get haircuts. It's incredibly messy.
• there is a fine line between sentimental keepsakes, hoarding, and over emotional momma.
• what do you do with a sick kid? stick her in the sun, on a swing and pour peppermint tea with honey down her throat.
• It's only been 6 weeks, the state of my thighs and hips is not their permanent state. Must learn to ignore them for 6 more months. And buy new pants. #shoppingtime!
• How do I explain that kissing the baby while sick is actually unloving and giving her the cold when all the preschooler wants to do is love on someone?
• A dance class would be a great reminder to stand up straight.
• We have 2 scarecrows in our house. One named Dewey and one Saturday. Someone is getting good at naming things.
• Ever tried to explain to a smart 3 year old why you have to use hot water to make cold tea?
• Just go to sleep already!!!
• I want 8-14 hours of heavy lifting, walking, moving big things, climbing, and loud music where someone else is in charge. ASAP!