Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Between the Lives

Sometimes I feel torn between two worlds. I wish it was this one and the fairies, but really it's the one I think I'm living and the one everyone else seems to be living.

I dream of 'our dream house' with gardens and chickens and awesome family bonds, art/craft night, music and piles of books. I start to think 'we're headed there soon. We have the bonds and crafts and books'.

But then, for some unknown reason, I think the rest of my life isn't real. My closest friends are 'my friends in the computer'. The real people i know, well, sometimes I feel they just use my need for face to face conversation time as a chance to make money. I don't really want people to tell me how to live more in my power when they don't take the time to share in my being outside of workshops.

Then I get homesick for Old Friends who have had time to get past this hurdle, but sadly live 1000s of miles away or on a different continent.

Skype only helps so much.

Then i sit on the kitchen floor, eating hummus and reading Eric Carle with my favorite almost 2-year-old, and things in my head click back into place. I remember I do know people who love me, share with me, are willing to listen and advise without a love offering. while they don't live in my house, they DO live this town (although I wouldn't mind cohabitating with some of them.)

I remember I am blessed. And that I bless. And these things should not be taken for granted.

I may not live the 'dream' but I do live the Dream v 1.0 which will soon become v 1.5. So I breathe in peace and breathe out disappointment, because there is no room that here.

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